There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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