Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize