There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
