Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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