My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
