You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize