And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
