i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
