There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
