based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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