I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
