life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize