perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
