Just cropdusted the office
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize