Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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