Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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