Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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