franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
