remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
