i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
