There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
