i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
