I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
