I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
