I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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