member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
