i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
All I want is dick and wine.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
