Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
