My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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