Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
