I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
