I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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