I feel great
I just peed on a car
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
