Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If its not for food we ain't going out.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
