come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
