cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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