Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
