i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
