well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
