I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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