i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
