Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
