I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
