i just wanna soil my oats bro
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
