I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize