Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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