he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize