I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize