420 ftw
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
