I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wish I could teleport
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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