we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
