i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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