I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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