She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize