I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
