just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
please come you make the beer taste better
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Randomize
