What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
