1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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