i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
