remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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