Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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