I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
