Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
