Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
