Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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