He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
