it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
