either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
